Left right Left 🙄

Death is imminent and lurks around our vicinity each time we step in or step out, so when death has this immenency factory to it , we are pressurized both by the society and our conscience to fill our short life spans with rights . 

Rights as in the right thing to do , the right way to go and the right things to choose . 

Lets face it right from the beginning of life as we know it , it has been shoved down our throats even by pop culture which has always been popularised as the devil’s advocate and by superheroes , soap operas and boooks to always do the right even if that means you lose out . Doing the right thing is what makes the good guy good right ? 

But you know why the ratio of good guys to bad guys are so miserably decimal , it is because doing the right thing sucks . 

I know for a fact that the person who had this thought of instilling in our minds the right thing to do must have been a melancholic person who had one thing going for him for sure no matter whatever else went south , a guilt free conscience.

WHY ? Because doing the right thing is almost always self sacrificial . You do it even though you kill a little part of yourself doing it . 

And that leaves you melancholic but you get a guilt-free conscience. 

If that’s the bargain you consider profitable then like me you are going to be melancholic , my friend . 

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The Humanities Massacre 🔪

A special kind of event that occurs each year when thousands of typical Indian parent’s dreams are killed by kids who are even bigger dreamers . 

I have killed dreams to reach here , just not my own . In that sense the whole lot of my class and the entire humanities division are selfish dream killers . And this year our infamous course is going to grow in size yet again . 

Welcome to humanities town population: 100,00,00 + 

Temperature : warmer than commerce ,India when compared to the Pakistan that is science , where you have no idea who’s attacking you , the government ,the terrorists or the military . 

One common factor in all the individuals who practise this science called humanities , oh wait just got more backlash for calling humanities a science . 

Sorry am not sorry , the one common thing in us the disappointments who scored 90+ in tenth and still took the arts is that , we’re selfish and all in the pursuit of our OWN dreams and ambitions not the ones chacha , mama , mausi , papa and ma  imposed upon us to brighten the family name . 

We like seeing our own names in journals better than our family names , mainly because they’ve never foregone a chance to guilt trip us for not being more like our every-Indian- parents- wet -dream kinda kids , our  cousins who took PCM and became engineers and landed a job straight out of college  . While whatever debate competitions and internships we bagged was looked down upon because c’mon “its only arts,da“. 

So winning the hearts of the family was naturally never on the bucket list . 

I remember when I first broke the news to my family , believe me in India it’s as tense as telling your family you’re gay especially if you got 96 percent and still want to pursue arts , my mother as always was playing her role as a smother ( smothering mother ) amazing as always and supported me because she’s undoubtedly the one person who believes I can do anything I want to .
But my dad on the other hand , like every other Indian parent freaked out but never said no yet warned me several times and just last week that when all my other friends becomes engineers and doctors I must not come complaining to him . 

It’s amazing how an Indian dad can turn career counsellor the minute his only daughter plans to venture into the arts . He said engineering , I said I would undoubtedly flunk 11th because I knew math only enough to get decent grades in tenth and don’t plan to do something I despise just to earn a living when I can do the opposite and be content. 

Immediately he propositioned the next desired profession , emphasizing that there would be no math just physics , chemistry and biology and this time I couldn’t slip out easily because fortunately or unfortunately in this case I had got A1 in science ( but we all know 10th science doesn’t matter at all in 11th)  so I countered it with the fact that the maths in physics and chemistry would compensate the loss of actual math . 

My dad rolled around with the idea for a few more days , going as far as to say I could become a gynecologist and be the family doctor .

 Yeah right , if I wanted to look at hoo Haa’s and pee pee’s for a living I might as well could be an engineer and view that on my laptop screen ( read :porn) get paid for it and not even get my hands dirty . 

But naturally I got what I want , like I usually make sure I do,  because like Blair waldorf once said ……

 destiny is for losers , it’s just an excuse for waiting around for things to happen instead of making things happen . 

So here I am,  where I always wanted to be . 

God knows how many people’s dreams we have killed in pursuit of our own dreams which are a 


 little more out of the ordinary than the rest  . 

Because we are the batch of dreamers who aren’t afraid to kill , stand up for ourselves , our ideas and our beliefs . 

Welcome to humanities town  , we’re all a little selfish around here. 
 

Scares & ‘mares 👁‍🗨

As a kid I was terrified of the dark , I couldn’t move between rooms at night because the darkness I had to dispell before drowning the room with light was too much for me to bear even for a few seconds . 

But as I grew older my fear of darkness transitioned into a fear of love . 

 this is not because of some forlorn childhood and not being loved enough by family in fact I had the most amazing childhood and being an only child and the youngest of a whole bandwagon of first cousins , the one shortage I never experienced in my family was love . 

Its not familial love that I was afraid of but romantic love . I am a big time romantic , I love love , I love the idea of love and I wear my heart on my sleeve because I don’t think there’s any other way I can experience raw emotions other than experimenting with the fragility of my heart . 

But when it comes to falling in love , I am afraid , I advocate the theory of taking a leap of faith in everything but falling in love . Because the faith that has to be there for the leap to be taken , vanquished long ago . 

I have seen people who’ve told me they love their significant others and then cheat on them , hell I’ve been with them . I’ve seen the most amiable of relationships turning into a nasty affair where the once can’t keep each other’s hands off couple cant even look eye to eye . Most of all its the temporal nature of love that haunts me that one day a person can mean so much to you and one mistake can wipe them entirely out of your lives . 

So you see why I am afraid , its because I’ve seen it . My idea of love is placed in this secular , bullet proof glass but with each passing year a new bullet gets stuck trying to get through it and the glass is almost about to break . 

When you meet people and ideas that have the ability to break your entire belief system then the perils of the dark seem a less scary reality

Because in the darkness of, the night you don’t see the faces coming at you , but in the  light of love , people who we come in contact can never be fully forgotten . 

Letters are not for granted🗯

Something stirred inside me today while teaching a 14 year old , 9th grader how to write the alphabet . You read right , today in my time at Cresecent-a Muslim girls home at payanapilly , I was teaching a 9th grader how to write the alphabet in a two line notebook . 
In ninth grade , you and I were engrossed in quadratic equations and acing our 300 word essays , we had long surpassed the writing in a two line book stage and were too far out to even remember that such a phase existed in our early school years . 

The girl in question was suffering from a writing disorder called dysgraphia , its  certainly not as famous as its sister disorders like dyslexia and ADHD but the chances are it’s as common and the failure to understand it, is from our part.

 The knowledge and the experience you gain while dealing and working with people struggling  with such disorders , opens doors of gratitude within yourself .

While it does sound pretty narcissistic to be grateful of your abilities whilst encountering people who aren’t as fortunate , the reality is that a mere engagement with them is as humbling as any experience . 

It just reminds you that the things we consider as the most fundamental of our abilities and which we often take for granted are in fact a blessing that most people are impaired of . 

Simple joys like writing , creating and formulating your own ideas and thoughts in a way that only you can are in actually not such a common ability . 

So like every other thing in life , letters too are not for granted .