Yellow in a sea of blue 💛

Running to the bus stop two or three minutes earlier than time gives you the gap to take in November. 

Or more exactly the November chill . You would quip right about now , “what November chill ?” This is India and like much of everything here there is no chill with people as well as the weather  .

So while that thought makes a complete revolution around  your mind let me fill in more deets .

November chill. Right 

It’s the one chill that I won’t complain about because it tells me in careless warning about how near December looms . 

And how much I psych myself about Christmas all year around , saddled for some disappoint one way or another. 

But nonetheless, praying to the one above that I don’t wander away from the main point of this blogpost like I wander away from everything else that is significant I am going to get on with it .

Now this post has been misleading so far because is not concerned with christmas or the weather . 

I will deal with those topics later with much more pomp and show . 

 THIS particular Monday experiencing the slight but abstract November chill got me reminiscing about the happenings from two days ago .

Saturday . 

When I went for an audition .

Mind you , I’ve been staying away from that part of my interests for two or three years to focus more on school. 

Which is what every other wannabee in the industry would say but what can one do ,if you all are adamant and ache to be St. Thomases.  ( Hes the one who won’t believe unless he sees it for him selves ) 

 I hadn’t attented an audition for  2 or 3 years now nor had I been in front of the camera unless you count and care to check my friends phone then my claim would be quite the contrary. 

But in hopes that you get what I mean I am yet again going to get on with it like we do everyday no matter what happens or which side of bad karma we happen to find ourselves in . 

Let’s not get into the reasons of my sabbatical from showing up at auditions but rather let me tell you something else that is way better to bear than the stupefying antics  of your blogger throughout the years . 

Let’s save that for another blogpost prolly six months from now because that is the kind of consistency am showing 😂. 

So walking to the bus stop made me think about this instance. 

 as I was waiting outside the studio I got to thinking how I got here . 

Not that here is a huge deal . 

More in the likes of how I got into this scene . 

And that went all the way back to 2012 

My first pageant okay it can’t exactly be called a pageant more like a smiling competition. 

Yeah save the laughs for later cause I am not kidding . 

My mom loved entering me into all this and I love her for it because of all the exposure and the most rad people you get to meet .

Looking back I can’t for the love of God imagine why she’d enter me for a smiling contest cause

  • A) I didn’t not possess the obvious set of perfect teeth needed to win . 
  • B) had no clue about the happenings or what I am supposed to do 
  • C) the obvious case of vampire teeth

But against all odds I got through it and even bagged best smile and won the contest. 

I still remember the day I walked into the MG road event . Loads of kids and their eager parents sprawling all over the place . 

And between rounds parents even went out shopping for their kids to change .

Now my mom being my mom wouldn’t have any of that . Even with me wailing that I’d have the same outfit and won’t get in . 

But she told me this ” moley , if you have the talent and the fervour nothing else matters especially not the way you dress”

I was my mother’s daughter and as adamant as her and I told her I am going to lose this round because of this . 

But like always my mother wins and her stand never topples over . 

I can still see her smugly smiling when I got the crown and the sachet and my first ever modelling contract. 

Yes that’s how I got here . 

Moley, if you’ve got the talent and the fervour nothing else matters especially not your outfit . 

Now this may seem invalid because what does fervour and talent have anything to do with a smiling contest. 

But TBH you and  I both know that if how appealing my smile was the only factor I soooo would not have won . 

But in light of all the events and contests and pageants I’ve entered and won most time and others not . 

I can tell you this . The very contest title can be misleading . 

See a smiling contest’s sole criteria isn’t your smile .

It was about how confident you are in your own skin or in my case exactly how much I could flaunt my vampire teeth 😂and turn what I considered to be a disadvantage to an advantage. 

And with the secretion of confidence automatically all of your other features and talents lighten up . 

Now let me associate that wiht the real world. 

What I want to say is . 

In this millennium where all people are concerned primarily about is how they dress and how to fit into a certain image that is considered ‘cool’ or ‘in’ or ‘it’ we don’t think twice about altering ourselves to fit into that certain social class . 

Not being confident enough in your own skin and how you are to an extent where you don’t even think twice about altering yourself   

Altering out those special characters and features that makes you , you . 

I mean nobody else in the world would have that characteristic of yours but you would willfully part ways with it just to be like everyone else . 

Why ? 

Why fit in when you can stand out.  

So my advise to you would be to turn the tables and make maximum use of the qualities you think are disadvantages to advantages . 

Don’t imitate a jenner or aspire to be a Kardashian . 

Don’t have the want to switch lifes with Gigi or Adriana . 

Don’t go for lipo shots and nose jobs just because it doesn’t align . 

Not aligning to the otherwise seemingly perfect exterior is the beauty of it .

( Also if you don’t have atleast one cute feature how else will I make names for it and possibly love it more than I love you) 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁 

Why in the world would you want to put yourself in a place where you were never meant to be.  

MONKS & HEPBURN 🐯

Rather an odd and unlikely combination . don’t you think ?

and yet one of them drove me away from people and the other brought me back.

To care less is the easiest way to happiness

while having the thought of cutting myself out from social media was rampant in my mind the popping up of the above quote , when i opened my pinterest (i swear , its like my social media platforms can read my mind now …. we’re telepathic .. WE’RE JUST THAT CLOSE KAY ? )  just added to fuel to fire and then it was decided .

  • PLANS AND GOALS WERE SET UP  (economics terminal influence)

steps included

  1. making up of my infamous indecisive mind 
  2. uninstalling all of my applications of sinful self indulgence 
  3. cursing lenovo and its tie up with facebook , for making it a system app which led to the incapability of it being non existent in my phone like its brethren snapchat and instagram. 
  4. sticking to the decision ……. which lasted 2 days 
  5. using import substitution as basis and replacing the social networking apps with SAT prep apps.

by means of the following what i wanted to accomplish was simple

A) to care less about people and to practise staying away from the humans i love

B) to use all of the time aimlessly scrolling through different feeds into good use

but all jokes and pointless steps, taken apart .

what i wanted was simple .

it’s what most people wanted and aspired to be .

the most purest and yet most in demand emotion in the world today .

my goal was to be happy and i thought cutting myself off from people was the easiest way to do this .

I CAN’T EVEN BEGIN TO TELL YOU HOW WRONG I WAS …………….

FIRST OF ALL,  IF YOU’VE MET ME EVEN ONCE, YOU’LL KNOW AM NOT EXACTLY THE KIND OF PERSON WHO CAN STAY OFF PEOPLE .

STRAIGHT UP ,THOUGH.

I CANT EVEN BE SOMBRE EVEN IF I TRY . I AM THE IN YOUR FACE KINDA CRAY PEOPLE YOU MEET , THE ANNOYINGLY ANNOYING OPTIMIST WHO FORCES OPTIMISM DOWN YOUR THROAT EVEN IF YOU’RE GAGGING .

SO TRYING TO BE MELLOW AND MELANCHOLY, AND KEEPING TO MYSELF IS A VERY DIFFICULT TASK I HAD TO UNDERTAKE. ( FTW SELF CONTROL , WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN )

SO, THAT SPIRIT OF LYING LOW AND TALKING SLOW lasted for about 12 hrs tops .

but then ,i was still persistent in accomplishing the break from the internet. partly because of the jeering i knew would come my way thanks to my “supportive” friends and the bits of emotional goodbyes i had texted each one of them .

so me jumbling back into the scene ,will only lead the way into more jokes and countless burns //not good at comebacks , please helps ?????//

now that, i did not have any social platform to scroll through ,  I thought hey , more time to ace SATs and actually try winning at life and all those other things that matter other than envying kylie Jenner’s lifestyle.

MORE INSTANCES OF BEING WRONG    

YOU KNOW , THAT NOTORIOUS QUOTE WHICH ALL OF OUR BESTIES USE EVERY TIME, WE BAIL ON THEM, GOING LIKE  :’IF YOU HAD ACTUALLY WANTED TO, THEN YOU WOULD HAVE MADE TIME FOR IT ‘ WITH A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF POUTING . 😗

YEAH ,NO SHIT .

If, I did actually care about doing all the things that i wanted to do at the time of pining over kylie kosmectics  . then I sure as hell would have , and not made up excuses .

But, the thing was however much i argued otherwise , I simply did not care enough to put technology away and immerse in other things instead /

and when that truck hit, i was half dead and then came the next truck of realisation .

This truck was filled with the thought that
is cutting off from people in order to care less in the disguise of wanting to be a monk ( NOW I GET WHY PEOPLE DIDN’T BUY THAT EXCUSE) actually healthy ?

Or was it me running away to myself , into my own self haven to avoid facing the drama ?

what was my problem ?

caring too much ?

In a generation were as cold as you are to people and their feelings is considered cool , and the norms of popularity and social and emotional hierarchy  are based on the principals of negligence and being oblivious to the impact your words and actions make on people .

was it so bad to care ?

FIRST TRUCK > HALF DEAD > SECOND TRUCK > OUT COLD

And after being roadkill and not awakening in Seattle grace hospital to neither Dr.McDreamy or Dr.McSteamy

NO, I DECIDED FOR MYSELF

the first actual decision i made in along period of time without thinking twice ..

with a LITTLE (read : LOTTLE ) help from beyond the grave .

with the motivation harnessed from a dead diva , nobody less fantabulus than AUDREY HEPBURN  , through her quotes acquired from pinterest , the same platform which lead to the inducing of the break .

I WAS BACKKKK . BEFORE YOU EVEN NOTICED 👼

Back to stay .
Because in my very enlightening  ( IT WAS , OKAY ? 😌 ) 2 day breakaway , caring too much  , it dawned on me , doesn’t make me an uncool unsociable freak i thought i was .

in fact in some ways it made me more human .

and as for happiness ?

we prefer taking the high road in all walks of life , to be a cut above the rest .

Take the high road when it comes to reaching the zenith of this emotion too . The highroad has the best views, i hear and  it is the most rewarding .

Lemme take a minute to put on my life coach coat .

Be your own waterfall of happiness .
It doesn’t and shouldn’t be resting on other people.

The power to be happy despite it all

dear readers ( CHEESYYYYY)

LIES WITHIN YOU 🙊

and like my WCW once said AUDREY

This applies to you guys too 🙉

Trust me we don’t give a rat’s ass about that ‘tude your carrying around .

SMILE BRO SMILE . 💁

 

SIXTEEN GOING ON SEVENTEEN

July 9 marks the 16th birthday of a new found bestie ( here , rayma you got a mention on this blogpost, consider this as your birthday present😌😘)

It also brings to mind my own impending 16th birthday happening in exactly a month’s time ( August 9 :))

Was that a subtle reminder ?
Maybe ,maybe not 
Hmm I guess you’ll never know 😋

Ever since I watched all those cliché Hollywood ,coming to age movies and TV shows
8 or 9 year old me have always wanted to be sixteen .
And when that sixteenth year is oh so near ( RHYME YAY 😙)
I have never been more excited and scared  .
Honestly don’t ask me
how I feel about turning one and six ( like how they say it in westeros 😁)
Cause I might just react to it as if am turning sixty or if you catch me on a particular mood I might just tell you all that I have planned and schemed for the years ahead 🙄

There’s no telling 😌
so  may the odds be ever in your favour ( or not cause I do want to hyperventilate about sixteen being the end of my childhood😌)

I had this idea of how sixteen was supposed to be  when I was 9 … mostly influenced by the west , of course😅

* My history teacher’s western influences lecture has fueled the above statement. 
**Mention of a history teacher cause I took humanities and mass communications 😁😁
and while all you nerds are hogging physics🌀 and chemistry🔥 and trigonometry 📐and all other math and  sciencey things
Imma be here learning scriptwriting and making adaptions and documentaries and also getting judged for taking humanities by family and Friends . But that’s a whole other story for another blogpost😁

BOY, DO I SWAYYY AWAY FROM MY MAIN POINT 😷

The sixteen that I envisioned was getting to goto prom ( a minute silence for this particular not happening in this lifetime dream 😂😂) , having the craziest bitches as friends ( that one I got 😙) and having a Troy and Gabriella ( you STFU , a girl can dream 😶) sort of love and a very happening life ( i wouldn’t say my life is very happening but it’s happening ,and I got no complaints🎯)
That’s something right ? :mrgreen:
And this idea that was instilled in my mind of getting to goto school driving a car (INDIA ,18)😶

Granted I don’t have all of the above mentioned things considering that prom is almost completely impossible 📍

Troy and Gabriella? Buahahahaha 😂😂
That department is burning to shreds and my blank space is going to remain blank unless ranveer singh ( I had to)😁 plans to walk on by and call my name ( GET THE SONG REFERENCE, BIATCH ?? ) 😌😌

Fat chance of that happening. Same with my driving dreams .
Because first of all the little ‘me’,👧
  paid little to no attention about the country which she lived and the way things worked here
And when I was old enough to realise all this I was like heh 😅(I was aiming for a bemused smirk)

But honestly prom and driving mean nothing to me now . 😼
And so does having the perfect high school romance thing .

The thing is once you’ve grown old enough to know exactly what you want in life all your other goals and ideas seem petty and are forgotten 🏃

Granted I do want a Troy and Gabriella ( not gonna let this one go , my apologies:|) sort of thing
But Troy and Gabriella are now replaced by a pair more closer to home
You guessed it
Ranveer singh and deepika padukone 😁😁😁 ( I WAS GONNA DO THIS ALL ALONG 😙)
And much like my main man ranveer I want to have one of those too , right  after I check all of my boxes like university and getting a lot of stamps on my passport and getting a job  that would make waking up on Monday mornings worth the effort and also put a smile on my face 😁
Or whenever it is that prince charming Graces me with his presence😁

UGH DON’T WORRY NO MORE OF THAT ^ DRAG 💁

SOOO recap 🏃🏃🏃
No prom , no car , no Troy and Gabriella.
It does look like 9 year old would’ve been hella disappointed  right ?
WRONG , things didn’t go the way I wanted it to go but things did go the way it was meant to be 🙌

See , that’s the thing with life
We always want things to go our way and do everything in our power to make all the things in our head realties , which is a good thing , undoubtedly. 👼
But the minute our plans go wayward we tend to lose it and go wayward ourselves. 🙍

You can plan and plan and plan but in the end .
It all works out in the exact way it was meant to .
And it’s upto you
Yes , you 👇👇👇👇
You beautiful crazy anxious magical scared thing 💫
To make the most of it and take it into your own hands and make some lemonade ( the whole lemons thing 🍋)
And leave it to a higher power aka god  😁 ( atheists for you guys , let’s go with the universe 🌐)
To unravel the rest of it , out for you
Because at some point,  like all the super inspirational quotes 😗we see on our feed on a day to day basis say
We have to let go , right ? 🙂

SO
LET GO , LET LOSE , MAKE LEMONADE AND KNOW THAT WHAT’S MEANT TO BE WILL BE 😇

Until then take a chill pill 😂😂
( say it the way kareena said it in Kabhi khushi Kabhi ghum 😛)
Make the most of everything
And you can always l
Come see Poseidonna (me  :oops::mrgreen:)
and we shall sing “I am sixteen going on seventeen”  in all its splendor 💣

  GRATITUDE 👇👇👇👇👇
The blogger would like to thank all of the readers for suffering and dealing with all the references about ranveer singh- the blogger’s low key infamous object of affection and obsession 🙍

Note : I hope to dear god that you get that, ” I am sixteen going on seventeen” is from ‘the sound of music’ 😐

‘The sound of music’ Is a musical set in world war 2 which captured and continues to capture the hearts of millions who have seen it 🌟

To swim over emptiness 🍦

have you ever felt empty ?

i don’t know how to explain what it feels like
but i can say one thing that its not exactly one of the good ones

but that’s obvious too i guess🍴

i know my blogs have always been fun to read and my rather lame attempts at comedy has surprisingly put a smile on your faces
i know this because obviously you guys have told me
what you guys have also told me is that maybe its time i venture into deeper topics
and here i am on a summer night trying to do exactly that
so consider this as my maiden voyage into the deeper part of the sea

BRACE YOURSELVES FOOD EMOJIS ARE EVERYWHERE IN THIS POSTTT 🍹

let me get back to the point emptiness
i have felt empty
and get this i have also felt guilty for feeling empty
its because i have no reason to feel empty in the company of amazing people and the best of family and friends
emptiness is the last thing i am or anyone is supposed to feel right ?
but no it creeps in when you least expect it and you feel devoid of any substance
so what do you do then  ?
you can let it engulf you or you can fill that empty void
think of it how you would an empty stomach
what do you do when you are hungry enough to eat a horse?

you eat a damn horse (not in the literal sense of course we are not the walking dead we dont eat horse ) :mrgreen:
but you know what i mean you eat your appetite
and BAM you’re good to go again

same case here this void , the feeling of emptiness you fill it with all the things you love doing or  all the things you always wanted to do but never have

see , am not a life coach or life anything for that reason and also am not here to tell you what to do or advice you because no one in the world knows how to live your life better than you, yourself.

with that said we all need someone to remind us every now and again exactly how amaaaaaazeballls ( that’s me ruining this otherwise *very serious* blogpost) 😇

So consider POSIEDONNA that person :mrgreen:

  YOU are not half as bad that you think you are
so back to the void what i did
is that i went back to reading something i took a long break from , from the start of this year
I also went back to dancing believe me i love to dance but learning how to dance has always been tiring and tedious

but i learned in the most happiest and fulling way what it means that
when you put your heart into something then there’s no going back🍎

see this past week i can undoubtedly say that i had the best time i ever had dancing xD

YES i miss a step now and again but that doesn’t matter, you see when you put your heart into something and give your 100 percent its is bound to work out .
It can’t go any other way and i found the root of my problem
i was always so very self conscious while dancing
and the minute i gave that up
i found it true what everyone said about dancing that is
that it’s freeing and that’s exactly what it is :3
GOING back to reading was like going back home
it’s a pretty far fetched comparison

it’s familiar grounds for me and i think any other bookie would agree

it’s the most comfiest of resorts and by far the most welcoming
it sees to every fancy and want

no i didn’t go head on reading the world classics i started reading game of thrones xD
and without a second thought i can say that GoT has GoT me xD ( SEEEE WHAT I DID THEREEE ??? 😛 )

And now as the final step here i am back to writing ( well technically typing xD )
finding time to put pen to paper or more exactly abusing my laptop’s keypad
but EH xD

what am trying to say is if you ever feeling empty or bad about yourself or balh di blah
don’t just sit there and drown in your own thoughts
instead overcome it fill it with beautiful actions , thoughts and words

OR create ( I don’t mean  creating buildings and machines and complicated shit . I mean art or poetry or whatever floats your boat and  puts a smile on your face ) 🍕🍕🍕

something that you never thought you could
and put all your creative energy into good use
and in that process you might actually find something new about yourself xD

in the end it’s all about self love
i don’t need to tell you it’s a crazy world out there
you’re smart and more than capable to figure it out
but when that world takes every ounce of you and leaves you empty you would know exactly what to do right ?

you’ll always find resort , help and everything more in YOURSELF 🍟

And if you ever need a hand then i am here too 🍯